British High Commissioner to Nigeria designate, Pete Vowles, who starts his posting in September, yesterday tweeted a picture of himself reading How to be a Nigerian, by journalist Peter Enahoro aka Peter Pan. The book, published in 1966, is a satirical take on “typical” Nigerian behaviour.
But what Vowles tweeted was no joke. He posted the following to accompany the picture:
I dey really excited say I dey move go Nigeria
I’m on the night train to London to meet [British] & [Nigerian] leaders, experts and friends, & learn more about this incredible country.
Up for for recommendations of people to meet, books to read, food to try & music to listen to before I start. I’m told Peter Enahoro might be essential reading?
Judging by the replies by Nigerians to this choreographed PR stunt, Vowles has got off to a winning start in the typical British neo-colonial game of convincing his victims that he’s on their side. The next step in this exercise is to be pictured eating jollof rice, preferably dressed in Nigerian garb, etc, as the “natives” do a celebratory dance as the family silver is looted by British companies in collaboration with the Nigerian ruling elite.
Former British High Commissioner Catriona Laing pretending to be down with the “natives”.
Despite the laughable attempts at speaking pidgin, pretentious interest in learning about the culture, anyone with a passing interest in history should know that the British interest in Nigeria is about securing the country’s resources for British capital. It may have undergone several rebranding efforts, but it hasn’t changed fundamentally from the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade to colonial rule.
The new high commissioner should have been well-briefed about the blood shed by Nigerians for Britain to profit from the country. From the massacre of coal miners in Enugu in 1949 by colonial police, to aiding and abetting war crimes during the Nigerian civil war from 1967 to 1970, to oil giant Shell collaborating with the Sani Abacha regime in the 1990s.
Vowles doesn’t need any Nigerian to tell him what American economist Jeffrey Sachs said about “all problems in the world going back to the British”.
In fact, Vowles’ role as high commissioner is precisely to continue to create the problems that mean British capital continues to profit from Nigerian misery, and then deploy the deceptive charm offensive, as with his tweet, that “warms the cockles” of the natives as they are being robbed blind. Most Nigerians should be aware of the old African saying: “When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.”
As Vowles heads to Nigeria, holding Peter Enahoro’s book, asking for tips on food and music, which several Nigerians are happy to provide, by the time they wake up, what’s left of Nigeria’s resources could be in British hands.
